Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
