and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
