i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
