You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
