Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
