just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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