Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
