come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
