you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
