So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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