goodnight i made you a song goodbye
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
