Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
