I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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