It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
