If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
