Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
