The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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