The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
