dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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