dude i'm inner monologue high
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
