my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
