obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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