I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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