I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
