He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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