so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
