Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
