Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
