Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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