Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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