I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
