How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
