last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
