So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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