drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
