So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
