Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
