I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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