$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
