i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Pants are for mortals
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
