Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
