her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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