Can i not drive my cunt home
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
