Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
