You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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