just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize