and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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