woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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