You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
