If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
