I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
