She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i dont even know how to be here
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
