White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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