I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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