should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
