SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
