when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
