I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
