call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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