think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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