Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize