i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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